You know, the one that comes right in your face and stares at you, adamantly, refusing to let go till you take notice and bow down to its power?! That kind. It was an answer to my frustration regarding the career path I’m currently treading on. Writing. Yeah that’s what I do. Professionally.
*whisper* and at my very core too.
So, let me first clear it. I, never in my wildest fantasies, have ever, (mind the stress laid on it), ever thought of myself tapping endlessly on my laptop, day after day and earning my bread from it, let alone enjoy it. Who I wanted to be? Well just anybody, I have fancied a hell lot of options, but writer?! So not gonna happen.
But see where I am – typing endlessly on my laptop day after day. Picture me, gulping in saliva really hard as I say it, I . am . actually . enjoying . it.
Let me just breathe it in. Whoo..hooo…phew..!!
I am a writer..
I am a writer…
Oh my God…I’m so freaking out…
I AM a writer…
I am a writer!!! *Breeeeathe !!!!*
So, getting back to the interview. Well, Taylor is actually a graduate in clinical psychology and ended up being an entrepreneur. I, on the other hand, hold a bachelors in engineering, and masters in business administration. And still I’m just a writer. I can’t really explain how small I feel saying it. And embarrassment? Well, just skip it for the better.
Again, back to Taylor. So, this awesome woman mentioned about “Universe knows best”. I knew it, I had read it earlier, many times. I did follow it to some extent. *Liar meter hooting* Okay, I didn’t. Because of obvious reasons, like seeking pride in calling myself a real person.
Anyway, the point is, to me it all felt stupid to be believing in Universe knowing the best, and giving control of your life in stars which science tells me are big balls of perpetual nuclear reactions, and holding firm on to the faith and shit. And did I mention it’s really frustrating?!
I’m saying that, because I actually did try it.
What Taylor’s theory is that just do whatever makes you happy, even if you don’t have the whole plan laid out in front of you, follow whatever bits and pieces you have. And rest will take care of itself. In her words, ‘Universe will line it up for you.’
In simple words, it’s like you driving on a dark road when all you can see is those few meters lit by car’s headlights. With conviction and faith, you keep driving. And then what happens? You eventually reach your destination.
Why am I linking these things?
My boss says I’m natural at writing, though I strongly feel it’s mostly his boss-ness speaking in order to keep me motivated, and on track. The latter is particularly more important, considering the fact that he is well aware of my ever wandering and over-thinking mind.
Recently, my friends, classmates, and even people, about whom I only know that they follow me, too have begun appreciating my write-ups on Facebook and Twitter, which I do every now and then. Well, they did that even earlier also, but now they text or call me up especially to praise my style or enquire about my muse.
My mom, who has believed in my writerly skills since I was 4, when she heard me compare sun rays to a path birds ventured on, now waits curiously for my next write-up. All compasses pointing towards one thing – I’m a writer. And I write fairly well. If you ask me, even I don’t consider myself ‘that’ bad. But, being a writer was not the plan. It was never the plan.
So, am I destined to be a writer?
Will I ever be a writer, like the kind of writer I can proudly look up to?
Or will I continue to keep trying to make my name into other things the world perceive as intellectual?
Should I give up trying to swim against the flow?
Do all writers/people have to go through this?
I really, really have no clue to it.
“So, Shakespeare, To be or not to be, that ‘was’ the question. I wonder, with me, writing everyday and enjoying it, to be a writer or not to be one, is not even a question now!“
What is my life’s preordained purpose?
What is the Universe trying to tell me?