I cannot begin to tell you how mad I am at her. This is the height of infidelity! And yet, I have no words to tell how sorry I am for what I did today. While I still hold my ground firm that I did nothing wrong and this silent treatment feels like an injustice, I’m ready to make amends if she’s willing to forget today’s incidents.
She came home and placed her bag on the side of the bed. Then she unbuckled her sandals and toed to the washroom to wash her hands and feet. I like this habit of hers. When she was done cleaning up and changed into her comfies, she knocked my room. I was just taking a nap but looking at her, I was already fresh and up. We chatted for a while about the day, the work, and dinner ahead.
She told me to catch up on my nap before dinner while she caught up on the news. A few hours later, I was woken by a strange voice. I had never heard it before. Very similar to mine, but manly. And then, I heard her shriek. She was in danger. I dashed to check up on her. The sight left me aghast!
It was not a shriek. It was a howl. She was happy.
And she was talking to a thin young chap that her brother brought home with her.
I hid behind the folds of the curtain and observed the scene. She is smiling. Talking to him. She is touching his hand!! What is she doing?
Maybe, she is trying to comfort him after a long journey. But why the touching? Her words are comforting enough. Doesn’t she know that already?!
The less I see the better for me, I said to myself and returned to my couch.
I heard her footsteps. She went to use the washroom. It was a good opportunity to introduce myself to this chap. I brushed up my hair and corrected my stride, like I own the place.
“Oh boy! He’s so skinny that even dogs wouldn’t accept his body!” I was so happy to know that he was clearly not her type.
Plus, he’s a he and she’s a she, and I’m a she and she’s only into the Shes. You got no chance with her, dude!
I sensed some unease and shyness in the way he crouched on the sofa. I smiled at him, like a non-verbal hello and wow! He didn’t reciprocate. So rude. Anyway, he’s a guest and I have to make him feel welcomed. I told him that even though I’m a woman, I can totally handle any man-problems that he might have to face. He still seemed distant and cold. Well, whatever!
This is what happened two days back.
The next day, I mean yesterday, she followed the same routine. Love, bath, breakfast, love, office, washroom, and then, she didn’t knock my door. She called his name. This wasn’t her. I wanted to rush and ask her to explain herself. But I guess, after four years of relationship, she has definitely earned some benefit of the doubt. She kept calling him for having dinner together and he didn’t move an inch. That rude, spoiled, skinny, good-for-nothing brat remained holed up in his pile of books and pillows.
“Who does that? Aren’t you a guest? Aren’t you supposed to be nice and cooperative?”
I wanted to ask, but there was no point in arguing with someone who just doesn’t wanna be spoken to.
I wouldn’t lie, it was some relief that she received no attention from him. She eventually visited me. It was my turn to play uncooperative. Should I? Should I be the bigger man, or woman? I hadn’t even thought it through that she hugged me and kissed my cheek.
Oh, this woman! I love her! She doesn’t even care about the little beard I have.
That time, it didn’t occur to me that she might do something like this to me tomorrow. How could she leave me for someone younger? And that too a male?? This is outrageous. Unbelievable!
What happened to the days when I would wake up early just to admire her, my sleeping beauty. Sometimes, she would wake up and smile, draw me closer to herself, kiss my forehead and would go back to sleeping again. Ah! Those were the days! And those were some nights when we would stay awake and binge watch Game of Thrones, have tea in the middle of the night. I would look at her hands as she poured tea and told me all sorts of crazy theories she had about Valyrians and dragons.
You know, one day she was really upset. Everyone knew she was but no one cared. She called me and I heard her explain how she feels lonely and that she believes that I am her person.
Finally, for the first time in my life, it felt like things made sense.
It felt like I had a purpose and that day itself, I told her that come what may, I’d never leave her side and would never take anyone else as my person.
I don’t know what changed now.
Today, I couldn’t understand what she was doing. Right after waking up, she called him and made breakfast for him. As expected by “His Rudeness”, he didn’t show up and so, she served him breakfast in bed. What??
Then, she got ready for work and called out his name again. No response again. Then, finally, she called out to me. Finally!! But I didn’t respond either. Why should I? I deserve some respect and attention. I heard her footsteps come closer and then, a click of the lock of the door. She left. What?!
She didn’t come see me off??
All day, I kept thinking why she would do such a thing. Simultaneously, I kept cursing myself for my bad behaviour. I could have walked up to her. I decided to deflate my ego a bit and welcome her with open arms and a huge smile when she returns. Then, I went on doing my work. Hello! I do work if you’ve been thinking otherwise.
Later, her brother returned and caught me yelling at our guest. He quickly rang her number and complained. I was quite confident that we have had it worse and me giving our guest a piece of my mind so gently wouldn’t be an issue.
I was wrong.
She didn’t even acknowledge my presence. Or my absence. She just kept making amends and sorrys to that boy. According to her, I was the terrorist and so, she completely abandoned me.
Was it because I literally scared the shit out of this boy? I mean, I was just trying to show him his place. This is my house, it’s my home and he has no business roaming around in it especially when he doesn’t respond when he’s being spoken to. I just told him to go back to his hole again. I didn’t imagine in my wildest dreams that he would shit all over his legs!
Okay, I was a bit louder than usual, but I’m not scary even with all my spots together. After all, she, my person, always told me how my spots resembled that of a real lion and that I should not think of myself as any less. And if I were a lion and this house was my territory, I would gladly welcome a guest, but this was intrusion!
Right now, she is working on her laptop. She’s a writer and often her inspiration visits her really late at nights and I have watched her stay up to bring that inspiration down on paper. But today, the vibe is different. She is not even looking at me. I tried rolling on my back with my feet up in the air. She usually finds it adorable and leaves everything to rub my belly. Not tonight but.
Has she abandoned me? Or is she mad at me?
Maybe she is actually busy. Or inspired. Maybe she is just pretending. What if I chase away that faded-fur kitten out of the house?
Would I do to win her back? To make her mine again?
From the diary of a tabby